The Story Never End

The story end here for here

2010-03-07T23:36:00.001+08:00

I should move on and never looked back.. You too.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-02-28T21:25:00.003+08:00

I detest the feeling of tmr when I know that what is lying ahead is not what I wanted to handle. =(.
But then I know I cant run away from it forever.
It's a non ending rat race. Acceralated race. (hopefully it ended faster than I thought!).

2010-02-21T22:15:00.003+08:00

It such a disappointment to see the angelic side of her disappear.
And I definitely dun like the feeling of the truth. =(

I dunno when it happen. But I know it did happen.
I dunno why it happen. But I know it had happen for quite sometimes.
I dunno how to solve the issue. But I hope time will heal everything.
I dunno who are siding who. But I know most of them are at her side.

i sneer at the meaning of their reunion.

2010-02-21T12:43:00.003+08:00

Im turning crazy.
Im turning uncontrollable.

My determination motivation strength is draining.
I am extremely tired and my will to carry on is vanishing. ( dun worry i am not dying.)
It just so hard to stay concentrated and get what needed to be done, done. =(.
wheres the pushing force?!
The moment I stared at where I should start, my butt just couldnt stay still. and my leg bring me wondering around. Nobody really complain. Nobody really pressurized. But me myself. I cant let myself be so unplanned in life. This is one project that I wanted to see it succeed.
Foolish me for carrying it all in a hand, when I know that I dun have such a strength and such big hand to carry all. But I dunno how should I put all this all well !?
Helper ( I should call it, coz I am nowhere to call someone my subordinate. LOLX"), I dunno how should I allocate the work. And then I got all this messed up.
Time to really think through and oragnzie my work well. =(((..
So much different kind of work in hand. this and that and that and this. I cant handle it all under my one and only pair of hand. and my one and only brain. It just not so right.
I need some fresh air. And definitely I want to see the sun once again after work. =D.
Think through girl and hang on.
This one tough life to learn. =DDD.
Jia you jia you jia you jia you ~~~~!!!! JIA YOU. !

And I got my FATF to read.. !!
Staying tune to my FATF summary ! (talking to myself.) =P

2010-02-20T12:38:00.002+08:00

Give a tap to me. I cant believe I am still hanging on.
Give a tap to us. I cant believe we are still hanging on.
Seriously, at time, I really feel like giving up. Giving up the hardship that I am undergoing, enduring now. It's kind of a stupid choice. An unexplainable choice, and it all started with the figures.. and the sort heart that lead.
The voice that keep encircling around my mind, keep telling me " Hang on, Dun give up. Dun let go, This is life.". And then it lead. It's weird how the inner me could be so, and ALWAYS so positive. When will the devil arrive for the angel to rest !? Till the last breathe? :(.
Because of the tons of burden piling, I'm being to be more and more forgetful. And till now I totally forgot to apply for my leave on Thursday and Beng' Birthday. ;(. At least I requested. And so, whhen RMB RMB TO DO SO.

Got to buck up totally and start my plan of getting everything in place and in line. COME ON. Jia You!

2010-02-17T12:05:00.001+08:00

Its a new start for the year, but everything turn out totally not well.

Stepped out of home without my wallet.
With only 10 bucks in hand for the day.
Receiptionist as a temporary "job" for the day.
the first call received was totally stunning.

how worse can the day be?!??=((
will that be the fate for my rest of my life?!?=((..
not the luck this year. =((

New year new resolution and new destionation! =0))..
First in line, of coz I wish that I can be BACK TO SCH LIKE FAST FAST FAST. Yesterday went back to visit our beloved "mei mei". and then realised that the table of ppl are all studying. =(. NTU, NUS, SMU, SIM and Murdoch.. wowowow!! ME?? Society university ! Ekkk.. Yeah.. I know that I wanted to go back to study like so desperately.... ^^ getting lazier and lazier like each and everyday ! =(. Really got to buck up and push myself really hard.. I dun see any motivation and goals in life now...

VACATION IS UP NEXT IN LIST.. ENJOYMENT RELAXATION AND YADA YADA YADA.. I need more rest and relaxation before I will be tied up with TONS AND TONS AND TONS OF stuffs. =)). Any upcoming holiday!? bring me along !!

Oh wells. there are just many many more to list. but then for the day. I should stop here. I wanne move on to some other places....... =0)

2010-02-08T23:17:00.002+08:00

Damn it.. Today just wasnt the day for me ! =(. Travelling all the way from Raffles to Tanjong Pagar and found out that MY FISH SOUP IS CLOSED.. !@#$%^&*().. AND THEN CHANGE MY MIND AND DECIDED FOR HOR FUN, QUEUE FOR ABT 10 MINS AND THE PERSON SAY "NO MORE" !@#$%^&*(. what's wrong with the day today !??
And then I made a damn stupid blunt mistakes that I couldnt forgive myself.!!! @#$%^&*().. Damn it. Why couldnt I just get sometimes right??? the outcome of implusiveness !! @#$%^&*(). got to DO SOMETHING..... AHHHHHHH DYING.. SUFFOCATINNGGGGGG

2010-02-03T23:00:00.004+08:00

After all the hardwork and grumbling.. I am finally seeing something that please. And then, I realised that it time to let my guard down for a little for the time being. =P..
But well, as the saying goes, never just totally let your guard down just over a little issue that could possible changed tremedously over a day or 2. Till it is fully accompolished could there be joy and happiness. LOLX.

I just realised the consequences of it. But then i couldnt control.
but its my first time.

2010-02-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

twist and turn on the only stuff you had in hand.
You never know what it will turn out. =D.

Smile for yourself.
Smile for the others.
The only happiness to get that is of no price and effort.

If hardship is gonna be a rolling snowball, let it halt at a stop where u deem.
You hold the ultimate control.

2010-02-01T22:48:00.003+08:00

Never be doubtful on the choice you made.
Life still goes on.

I am tired.
I am sorry.
I am ultimately disappointed.

Learning and teaching are 2 different things that could never be mixed and blend together. Dun ask me why, this is how it works. They just seem to be water and oil. the two chemical that will always remind seperated. When I cant seem to understand the logarithm behind it, how will I you expect me pass it down to the rest. The flow will go but will ultimately lose it initate value. The result of the choice.
Hai, recently there's alot of things that flow through my mind. Wondering shld or shldnt I? I am influence by my surrounding and am totally gullible. Believe in the first words that was heard and let go of all after which. When the more was said, and the scence was seen, it make me wonder "was my first choice always wrong !?" .
Words could be said. Fantasy could be drafted.
But reality doesnt lies. What seen and heard is the concrete ans to all that was hidden within my bottom heart. Yet I still choose to believe that the tiny tiny miracles that I wish could still happen. Partially because I never wanted to let go of those trust and friendship and hope that was given. Plus I know you definitely put in lots of eefforts to push me higher up. And I really want to help in many ways.
I guess I should go on for a few more years. =(.. But I know I wanne pamper myself even more each day ! FROM NOW ONWARD. OK NEED A GOOD REST AND STAY HAPPY LIKE ALWAYS ONG HUI YING !=DDD

2010-01-27T12:44:00.002+08:00

Life is unfair, the journey just never seem smooth.. but well, no matter how tough it seem, it still possible to move on, crawl on and live on. Although it seem hard, grief seem impossible to be gone. the grief should be lesser and then one day it will be less overwhelming after all.

I feel like letting go, giving up. and popping up my unrealistic dream of reaching up so high as I am now so seriously wounded, i couldnt breathe well. But yet, I really thank god that people around me are understanding/or should I say they are in they had the same thoughts as me, that why they nv got the heart to really reprimand me till I break down. Or should I say that, I am already lost my feeling of anger. Now, everything sound so logical, sound so profound. and seem so complicated. things can be bypass. can be forgo. and life still moved on. thanks ppl for the understanding. i know you people really did try to help. I am soorry for the umpteen mistakes that was made. but i cant forgive myself for this errors. so many months of training. although its tough, but it's life.. tat the unique taste of life that each and everyone got to undergo and to understand. i hate the me now.. who pushed blames and not solve the problems. i knew i got buck up and put myself into the situation well.. *amen.. *

2010-01-24T22:20:00.002+08:00

i dont know why we suddenly turn so unfamiliar.
Was it because you had already found your route ahead. Knowing what is lying ahead, letting go of my hand and fastening your path to reach your goal ?? but then i still thank god for letting us be once so close. I believe the sincerely within. And I thank you for giving me the support. =D god bless.

I had officially moved. I dunno if it should be a joy or a frown!? ppl desks are like so clean. but not us. ppl boxes are lessening but ours seem to be piling higher and higher. =(. there seem to be endless space for them and not for us.. my hand hurts after all the packing. =(. and the place ventilation was horrible. =(. we need more air, fresh air for our mind to work wells ! ... we need more laughter more joys and more fun. =DD...
hmm.. but i am certainty not sure how the route ahead will turn. Or should I say I am already prepared for the worse. =((. ahhhh.. let my mind rest a little more.

2010-01-23T13:31:00.003+08:00

No matter how wavy the road is, nobody had to right to vent out their frustruction on others.
I am sorry. I broke my own principles. I just need more peace to calm myself down and give me more space for breathing better air. =|.
Its getting tenser and denser each and everyday when the old ones going to leave and the new ones are taking over. I knew that I dun like this, but there is always questions circling around my mind telling me" hey this's new, and you should love adventure." wells, this shld be the old saying of me, perhaps a few years back. But then, today, I felt my mind 10 years old, nelgecting the need for changes. I am now part of the "oldies" generation, trying to make my old stands work and firm. "what so bad about old after all, aint it?" People are moving on, quickening their pace, but my mind told me, it's time to slow down alittle, understand yourself a little, give yourself a little bit more time. Perhaps I am really exhausted. In only a years or so, I had understand how the world really moved and how reality could turn one movitation and determination totally upside down.Never understand the hardship other suffered till you truly in the situation, felt the tension and feel the tireness.
hai ~ thats life. Unreasonable alittle within hidden joys.

let here be joys and sorrow.

2010-01-12T00:33:00.001+08:00

If only times could stop at the time.
Ever if the route is not easy, I will still enjoy the sweetness within.

2010-01-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

Determination is good. But too strong determination kills. =S. *half rise white flag* I feel like giving up.. My brain seem to be stuffed with tons of things, seem that it will soon explore. My eyes are heavy, might close any minutes. And my hands hurt after a whole day of work, unfinished. =S. ahhh!! deadline set was supposed to be 3PM. but its already 11.53PM. :(..cutting down on my scope that i wanted to finish. hopefully everything turn out well.

2009-12-29T23:00:00.002+08:00

God damn it. Why do I always had to learn things the hardest way !? =((.
I feel terribly bad. The feeling get worse when nobody really blaming me. =((.. I guess it's really time to buck up and not take everything for granted. But I just dunno why I cant clear myself off from mistakes and blunt. =((. eekk. One day, I knew I got to learn things from the hard way.
Ohh wells, what can I say other than moved on. Learnt from mistakes. Dun frown. there's always sunshine after rain. aint it? eeekkk.. Sometimes I really feel like smacking myself for being so optimistic. =P.

Watch ALVIN and the Chipmunks 2 on the 28 December. And what I can say is, IT'S TOTALLY A-W-E-S-O-M-E. i really cant use the best word to describe other than, awesome. =P. Watch it, it's really worth the price. No regret. Like seriously! =D.
Back home was a rest day for me when I had totally no sleep for the night before. Slept at 8 and woke up 8am the next morning ! hehe ~~ it's a nice sleep! I really miss my bed.! ok ! gtg .. replenish my energy to stop all mistakes. ... =P.. tada !

2009-12-24T22:58:00.002+08:00

Arghhhh !!! aaahhhh !! I hate today and I love today. How contridicting am I.
Christmas Party in the company was great today. With all those laughter and games and drinks and foods and gifts. I simply loved it. And gift from my colleagues was great. I had no time to buy a gift for her. =S. I feel so guilty when she actually give me a gift voucher as christmas present. To add fuel to the already fuelling fire, she actually give me her WON GIFT OF A BOTTLE OF WINE WHEN SHE CAME IN FIRST IN THE BEST DRESS UP. OMG !! it's really is a GUILTY CHRISTMAS FOR ME. =((. I know I need to do something !! arghhh !! I just dun have to patience and, oh well, You could say I am just so damn lazy to spend my time to look for gifts now. =(. I really do thought of buying !! I SWEAR. But I just dun have the time. =(. I AM DAMN SORRY.
Anyway, the party was indeed a fun and cheeky one ! hehe. with those big gifts won by the interns. (it isnt fair).. haha ~ but anyway ! it was fun with those jokers around. But then those fun always tied with lots of tireness. Had been feeling extremely tired for the past few days due to the hectic workloads, making me look so damn sleepy for the whole event. But hey I really love the laughter. seriously. And I do really love my christmas hat! =D.
Thats the happy part of it.
I hate today, coz I am so damn sleepy due to the accumulated tireness THAT I MAKE SO MUCH DAMN MISTAKES TODAY. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN ! I actually forgot to make a photocopy of it, forgot to get the authorized signatures, but there go the cheque! ARGHH ! who will actually make a damn mistakes. but the funniest things of all is, nobody is angry with me, nobody is ignoring me because of my capabilities. but laughing at me for making the first even made mistakes. =.=". Worse of all, I actually torn a documents that was supposed to be filed as I thought it was my unused paper,-- I got this habit of tearing paper to pieces when I knew that it's no longer useful, coz I hate the sight of piled up paper, which I actually had alot. but well forgot about it, what done is already done, and anyway we do have lots of supporting docs as well. hehe. 俗语说得好:船到桥头自然直不是吗?
=( I know I shouldnt feel this way,, but then I cant be frowning all day long right? and what, it's christmas ! so why care of the dooms when sunshine is just a step away!? =DD.
So MERRY CHRISTMAS !!

2009-12-23T20:39:00.002+08:00

damn it. it seriously wasnt a good day today. i was on the verge of a breakdown.
and i seriously hope that the things will turn out totally fine. I AM DAMN DAMN DAMN TIRED.
for once i realised the thought of helpfulness could kills. imagine everyone is rely on you and only you, you could really feel so suffocated.. even if it last for a few mins, it already could spell fatal death. =(.
for the first time i really experience the full force of tirness conquering. from morning to end. there doesnt seem to be any break inbetween. at least for now, i really wish i could really enjoy my lunch break even if it really only last for 1/2 hr. coz it's going to be my best break like for the whole day.
i never tot the importance of standing for ur own benefit in the past, but now i really do and i know i have to. with all those mind strain, i do really need alot of "motivation"..
HELL WEEK. and there are more to come. arghhh !!

2009-12-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

Why should I feel so apologetic when I did nothing wrong. Why should everyone abide to the rules when what you do is only to speak the golden mouth of yours. Damn it. And once again, I am trapped in the same circle-"rat race". ! arghhhhh !! And idiot. I still cant make my IDIOT STAND FIRM AND CONCERTE. arghhh !!I dun care how you will look at me coz I no longer wanne be a puppet of yours.

Dinner today at "our working place" was rather weird. the people aint that welcoming as before.. and the serving by friends formally was so so so so damn weird that you dun even dare to order ANYTHING. =( .. I guess I will hardly step in again. but the boss was friendly and funny. hehe. For once, I realised he really do have his friendly view as well.
But it was "ouch" the bills cost a hurt in the heart. =(. 6 ppl at S$167 with a 10% discount. OUCH. ! that was really a once in a while stuffs. thank god tmr lunching in with free bento and eve christmas lunch as well. wee.. that gonna help save alot when I still a mth to go before my next pay came in. =S. How much am I left to survive.. =E...
Jojo was sweet. I got a pen as my christmas gift. I wish I could cherish it. But with my absentminded characteristic, I dunno hw long the pen could live with me. =S. Hopefully it does. thanks god she didnt check on my "china" coins as I am only left with 1 when I shld have 3. =S..
Ok thats for the end. end of pissed issue for now and today. =D

2009-12-19T17:25:00.002+08:00

I had finally ended my three day course, and Conclusion, IT TOTALLY DOESNT ENHANCE, REFRESH AND NEITHER COULD YOU SAY LEARN. ! @@...
It was the fundamental course. And I really thank god that I DID NOT GO FOR AN ENHANCEMENT VERSION, coz seriously, I swear I will definitely go ALL BLANK if I really do opt fot that. Imagine the pace of the lesson and the information that was given. It was totally not efficient and adequate. And now I start doubting on the infomration that was given. Coz when I tried it out at home, IT TOTALLY DIDNT TURN OUT GOOD. In fact it turn out totally not well. Now I am stuck at what I should do next. =(. Next time I guess I wont dump money into this kind of "unknown" institution. I should heed the advice of expert. =(.
Stuck !! arghh!

2009-12-15T20:32:00.004+08:00

Most of the time it just doesnt seem right
And
Doesnt feel right

不知为何有时侯找不到微笑...
也不知道现在的笑声是真诚还是虚伪
只知道这一切是需要时间来衡量的..

2009-12-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

I am always circling around the choices. Even if I had somewhat or rather know what I want, there is always an unknown detour that sent me back to where I am.
There are just so so so many choices that I need to make myself. Sometimes I need some opinions, and I know that I am always asking for opinions, once, twice and continuously. However, I always dun have an concrete answer in what I want. So in the end, I am back the my first choice. And I know for sure that most of the time, or all the time, I will always get back to my first choice, which seem to be my one and only choice.=(
So wells, I am stuck once again, whether to consider to take up my UOL course in SAA or SIM. Both school are recognized. SAA being the accounting arms in Singapore, being the lead, it will be good if ACCA lecturers could tutor me. But it is not true to say that UOL, which is incorporated in will definitely be great. With the past "unglam" news that seems to be washed away unsoundly by time, it make me wonder on my choice in SAA. However, SIM will definitely cost more then SAA, with approxiametly $500 more per year. In total of 1.5k more for the whole course. Reconsidering, who will really care about the 1.5k when the courses is finish right !?
So wells, perhaps by the time I really finalized on my choice, the deadline will be closed?! =(.
HEY WHO EVER SET THE RULE THAT THE PAPER RULES, MUST BE GROWING NUTS IN THE MIND. ARGHHHH,..

2009-12-10T20:23:00.001+08:00

Yada Yada, I am on 2 days work week nxt week.. But I am not that excited as before now.

Oh wells. there are changes again. and again and again. And like always, I had not yet understand everything. =(.. Why are changes like always so suddenly !? I dunno what I should feel now. Where do we stand now. ~ But the voices from the 3 new staffs do really brighten up the day alot.
And it's like our company is so finally feeling like a "company". Was it good or bad?! I am not quite sure myself. I tot a company should feel like a company~ but it turn out totally not here. I feel like Im in a big family~. The feeling was good. But then I fear that I will suffer when I leave for somewhere else. =(.
Oh wells.

My KL trip

2009-12-05T23:20:00.007+08:00

I am back from my KL holiday, safe and sound, but with a EXTREMELY BIG HOLE IN MY POCKET RIGHT NOW. =( I need to scrimp and save up from tmr onward.

The day started off totally not well. Due to our carelessness, we were delayed for exactly 2hr, and we got to get back to Singapore 2hr earlier. Conclusion, we had make a losses of 4hrs in total.
We were supposed to set off on 3/12/09 at 7.45am. However, we did not make careful attention to the date departed printed on the invoice, which reflected 3/11/09. Therefore, there were no more available seat for us to depart at 7.45am, and the next available time slot is 9.45am. =(. What a luck. To compensate for the losses, we will given a free upgrade to Royal VIP coach from Super VIP coach on our trip back to Singapore as well as a free upgrade to Premier Deluxe room from deluxe room. =D. At least we do enjoy those upgraded services, so wells, we decided not to pursue the matter. Anyway, it wasnt totally her fault for this error, we do pay partial responsibility as well.

The whole holiday was great, but hurting with all those spending. It's really kills. ={. Spending most of our time at Chinatown, our most affordable places. Went KLCC - KL twin tower, Sungei Wang Plaza. and yada yada. It was a long walk from KL twin tower to Sungei Wang Plaza. I swear it's killing. =(.

Our Bed, or should I say their bed. =)

BATH TUB!!

MY NEW POSSESSION FOR DAY 1

the long forgetton A&W~
anyone miss it?
Berjaya Times Square.
I wonder how high the building is..

Chinatown.
We never miss a day without it at KL.

The mess we created before photo taking of our possesion for 2 days.

AND TADA ~~~

ALL OUR NEW POSSESSION.
I realised my things aint that much after all.
Do you see too much of our things !?And this is my 3 days expenses list.
Excluding food expenses.
I spent RM339.70.

And my Trip back on Royal VIP coach.
THERE'S A TV on each seats. !
And I waste 2 movies onboard. To kills time. =Z.

My first trip out of the tiny island was great. New experience, new exposure and new understanding of myself. It was after all a start. hmm.. Now I really wanne start pampering myself and get myself all ready up to go on vacation each year. =D. Just make it a once a year matter, I aint that greedy after all.

Oh wells, after all the joys is back to work. =(. Tmr Monday~ ={. Kind of not used to it when I had let myself free from work for 5 days.! Yes !! 5 days ! I need to start preparing to see what I need to do tmr. And yada yada.. it seems to be endless work for .. with this and that not done and that and this not done. And then I had to switch environment again!. =(. It's not that I had never been there never liked there. but is the sudden frequent changes. I just need a little more time to adapt. =(. I aint that flexible after all. =(. oh wells. hopefully i got myself another 2 days work week tmr. wahaha ~

2009-12-01T23:28:00.002+08:00

Idiot Bro almost spoil my mood of bloggin~ seriously I kind of find him.. extremely weird. was it an intention or was it really wrong with his mind. pre-enlistment depression. =P.
Anyway I managed to get some PEACE. Like finally, and got back my mood of blogging. =D. And yes I had finally passed today!=D. Head spinning with DRCRDRCR just hours before the end of the days. And then I realised that I had wasted my whole afternoon, and thus not able to finish up on my data extraction. all due to the stupid damn slow ssystem that dunno hang for how many umpteen time, that I had to restart the com for countless time. =@!! and thus, my tasks for the day was like so totally not done, but yet I am on leave for the whole week from now on. Dunno whether I would be able to get a peaceful break, but then I know I got to.
"tutorial" session was peaceful and great today. I think she is pretty nice in some way. She dun treat me nasty. And she definitely got the talent to excel if she just dun hold her principles too tightly. She could definitely reached even higher. =D....

Recently, people are loading up past photos to facebooks. and its like.. omg~ fond memories, memories flashback. and thus, realised.. time really flies. Imagine the day that we first got to know our Olvl results, step foot into polytechnic, tot that everything got to be hard to understand, hard to cope .. but then still we managed to slip through and get over and done with the 3 years. Now, those who could afford are studying, those who cant, or dun wish to study are all going into the society to work. how I miss the day when I only need to study and not worry about any other things. school are like 2nd home, but we do have the 3rd home, which could be the usual hang out place, the usual shopping mall, and the usual "project home". And best of all, rmb the time when we got projects to rush, we will see those "green man" appearing in msn, or we could even taut out at friends house, namely sockie teo, to get things .. done. that was the time when we rush for project. suffer through all hard and thin tgt. share the joy and sorrow tgt. Are we able to subtain this till the end of our story. ~~

Gathering. We need more gathering to get more photos kept.! =D

2009-11-30T20:25:00.004+08:00

Woohoos~ 1 more day before I packed up and go for my long long long weekend. =D. Its like so damn finally I stepped out of the tiny little island to go on some relaxation trip with my friends.! Kind of excited, and at the same time, kind of scary when all of us do not know much and had never went KL before. God bless that everything will turn out well and we will be back safe and sound!=DD..

Nice day going "cycling" with the girls on Friday, when we spent most of our time walking from one end to another and then back to where we started. I got burnt in my back. ={
And shopping on Sunday! woohooss~ my back really hurt.. like a total times after the long day~ from 3 - 9 !! wow~ that was like a proper full retail shift ! ={
Are we getting on ages, or was it totally the fault of "office lady" job.
And I really got the temptation to get the Fossil Watch. It's a "sudden" captivation. I like the first watch that I saw. It's could look like a braclet, and it functions as a watch.

Wasnt it wonderful!? But it kind of dun suit me. the problem of a chain watch.={. it's too loose.
And so I decided to go for this:

=D. A leather strip watch shouldnt be much a problem. And I love the size of the watch~ it's big.I might consider to take up this. However, it's always the problem with money. So I got to think thoroughly first. =|..

I am so damn hungry now that I am craving for so much things !
And tmr I am having lunch with my old partner! =D. Tom Yum! Yummy Yummy~
I so wanne eat sushi again~ and starting to crave for egg tarts and yada yada. ~ =}. Am I kind of overly stress or am I just so wanne stuffs myself with my obsession .. Food Food Food~ I want more foods... =}

Hey People, take a break. Guess whats this !??

"
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You wont imagine that's a KEY right ! but yes! thats a Key. I aso do wonder how does it work. Guess it's some kind of a"advance technology ".. ~

ok ~ time for bed. Tired mentally and physically~>

2009-11-26T23:19:00.002+08:00

Was it a good idea to lower one expectation to get something unexpected,which could bring you so high in surprise?
Surprised and surprised. Amazed and amazed. From the lower expectation of getting into normal stream to demoralized till the idea of repeating of the year. And unexpectedly, she managed to "surprise" us by squeezing her butt into to an express stream or to put in a nicer word, she had firmly secured a place in the normal academic stream. It had really astonished each and everyone of us, when her result for the past 3 years was always a barely pass for 3/4 subject. Apparently, she managed to get an A for her chinese and two B for her English and Mathematics and a C for her Science,which make up the 199 which was reflected in the result slip. a B for her Mathematics was indeed a jaw dropping issue. Oh wells, but at least it boost her up a little. Always thinking that she didnt care and didnt mind, but then the day before, she showed her true self.

stumbled by the sudden english conversion. leaving me tongue tied. like totally. omg~ my english standard had fallen down from bad to worse to unsightly ! =((. It's time to buck up again! =((.

I am going for a holiday soon. But I had not done much hw on it! just hope that I dun get lost and cheated ! God Bless!.
And the week after break will be a "new" life for me. And it's going to be a permanent life. Good or bad. I still got to hang on! .. there's more to learn. =)). Jia you.

2009-11-24T19:29:00.002+08:00

today wasnt a good day for me. I guess I had asked too much. As an adult, as a perm staff, I could no longer wish for and hope for, but to work for. =(. I guess this is reality.
Yes, the two new faces are "seen". With the big head having a so long meeting, from morning to end of the day. Sending me in tension as well. I guess I, or we had really poor coordination on the work required. More efforts and changes are needed.
And yes, I guess I am somewhat or rather going to be back from where I was previously. People are moving and scaling higher externally. But I am moving about internally. Scaling higher? I couldnt confirm. But yes, I am very thankful that I really got a very good patience and temper supervisor guiding me through the way. Imagine the need to communicate and coordinate through the phone. It's not easy, but she is still able to guide me through with the most calm and cooling temper. at some moment, I think I am quite a fuss, asking questions again and again, when the answer is already given. But yet, I am really thank god that she is one that hardly throw temper. I really could salute.!
I wont say that I didnt learn much at where I am. In fact, I was giving the "training" a little harsh, as I am working directly under the high management, with give me quite lots of pressure, like today. =((. God is really kind to me for giving me so much of a luck like always or most of the time. After all, working life will be, know your work well. do the proper documentation required. Dun be lazy and skip a step. It kills and it will hurt tremendously.
My life pattern is going to stay again. And I guess it will be for the last time.

2009-11-23T20:50:00.005+08:00

It's a Monday Blue day when you unknowingly got up of bed, unknowingly got change and went to work. unknowingly onboard the train, and unknowingly reach office. and unknowingly got the day ended. and unknowingly got home. how the day flies today. good. Life is even better when the bosses aint around. There aint anyone eyeing you. inspecting you and yada yada. anyway, we should be treated by adults.
Day today was great, without bosses day, and unknowingly pass the day, I had also unknowingly done my report. =D. Great day! =D. The user was quite, indeed surprise on how i even manage to get all those required done when he himself, had never seen it before, dun even know where to get it. I guess he will be extremely stunned, when I just reject the offer of a meetup. But yes, I got it all neatly done. =D. Data checked with required personnels. I guess it really help it you got a little more of the background required.
Bad news and good news. When you got an answer, or rumours of getting what you wanted at first, will you be contented? Coz, I am starting to really wonder what I am really looking forward to. Life now is still ok for me. Carefree. Easy task. And well, no systematic procedures to follow. Best of all, you got to enjoy the good life of peace once awhile when there aint any bosses ard. Who will even got the chances of this luxury unless here. I dunno how long this luxury will last. But instinct told me not to think too much. But yet someone is telling me that the end of the carefree life going to be gone.. soon. God Bless !!
Tmr will be the end of my carefree day. But yet I hope tmr will be a busy day onward.
The following 2 weeks will definitely be a good week for me, with 4 working days this week, 2 working days the week after and payday the week that follows! woohoo~ early pay for christmas ! will bonus be in december !?? =P

2009-11-20T23:36:00.002+08:00

I almost turn stone today. The environment today is so damn dead.There's no one behind me (like always), no one beside me, and nobody "in front of" me. how wonderful ar. It's a loneseome day. plus I had been yawning unknowingly for dunno how many umpteen times!. It's time for me to replenish my energy and sleep my day through for tmr ! =D. Till the Sun burn my butt, if the sun ever rise tmr!
Anyway, I plan to get some stuffs done today. I also dun understand why I got so many many many outstanding issues on hand to solve. =S. And so, I planned the day before:
1) to get the cashflow report done
2) to get the procedure manual amended and review
3) to get my proper documentation done for TI system
However, I only managed to get almost complete status for my task 1, which result in all those remaning TOTALLY untouch. =(. But hey on the brighter side, I finally got the insurance claim somewhat or rather settled. =D. And my report is going to be done soon. I believe. And with a extremely easygoing user, I guess there wont be any much issue. ! wahahaha ~
On the dark side of today, I actually gt my account number wrong, and hence, I transfer a certain amount from my posb saving account to some unknown account no., which I hope hopefully doesnt exist, and hence save all the hassle I will have to undergo, if it get through. the problem of technology, automation and yada yada. =P.

I am awating for next week to come, to see new faces, and hopefully giving me new hopes and wishes... I know my greatest "strength" had unknowingly turn out to be my ultimate flaw in life. And sometimes I really wonder should I really give up on what I really have to pursure to what I used to think as "ultimate", the "wonder" dream. But yet there is always the cons side that restrict me from doing so. =[.

I had already got an answer in mind. But just hope that everyone will agree with me to give me the certainty. Even if nobody was there to assure me. I am still stubbornly waiting for the right opportunity to grow. Am I foolish or am I so faithful?

2009-11-15T22:42:00.002+08:00

People surrounding are changing.
No longer so active.
No longer as lively as before.
Was it because we had distanced away.
Or was it the change in environment.

I hate it to know that I am the only "clown" in the group.
I hate it to know that I am the only smile that could see.
I hate it when people took your initiative for granted.

All you had done and all that was given, doesnt seem to be appreciated. Sometimes you just cant stop yourself from getting all this negative thoughts, do they cared about you? Or do they really wanne let go off you.
Are we really as close as what we seemed to be!? Liar. A bunch of Liars.
The chemistry just die as time pass... I dun like this feeling.

2009-11-15T14:28:00.001+08:00

It's Sunday today! But I still have to go to work ! =S. Draggin my most heaviest feet to work.
Thoughts that I'm going to be late. So I took a cab and then I realised that I am the second to reach! lolx ! Worse of all, reached there, I still got to wait for instruction for work to be done. =S. But anyway thank god that everything run smoothly. the volcano was still peaceful ! =P.
HM was down in town today. And yes he is extremely amiable ! =DD. He saw my ducky wallpaper and was "praising" my ducky! =D. And he seem to be putting on some weight ! haha ~. thank god he was extremely friendly !
Got a little chat with PC today. Somewhat or rather I got my answer .. and somewhat or rather I got my desired answer. Let a year decide that .. hmm..

2009-11-13T23:24:00.002+08:00

When praise seem like a daily routine, treats like the flow of water, you know it's time to move on to seek for a greater scale of adventure.
How had you been recently. Seeing people around you busy. Tied up with bundle of work. But you are so carefree, doing nothing to contribute.
Excuses and reasons had been exhausted. There doesnt seem to be anything worth holding.
But physically I had exhausted myself. Left with no energy to move on.
In the past, I always wanted to feel wanted, feel that I am needed in a place. A place that store me, telling me, "hey I cant live without you". This is a place that I want to be, I want to put my heart and soul in. But yet I realised I cant say so here. I dun feel satisfied. I dun feel so glamorous on all that I had done. Perhaps that was in the past, when I am still young and ignorant. But definitely not now when I know that I had grown up and I know I had to face the different type of challenges in life, which I hardly came into contact with one which I think is worth all my effort.
I think, I thought and I wonder. Was it because I had not make myself worthwhile. Or was it that I wasnt capable of all this. But yet I knew that it is all not the reason for my progression. It was because of the state it is in. But letting go is cruel, staying on is a torture. Both way is not an ideal solution for me. Because I am a so soft hearted person. It really hurt when I heard or see anyone I know being reprimand for issues. Being blame for things that had not been done perfectly. But hey,who in the earth even get to complete and present their stuffs so damn perfectly? And which damn it actually dont coordinate well, dun communicate well, that result in all those shit .. No man is an island, no one perform solely. We need a party for a show. So why get people pinpointing when what we need to know and do is to solve the damn it issues and amend what is necessary!. I just dun understand why people keep pinpointing. why people keep shifting problems and why the sudden temper to scream. Who do you think you are in reprimanding. you aint any saint to do so. not particulary blaming anyone. but stating what might be possibly happen.
Living for others or living for myself? I definitely know the answer. I am living for others but not myself. ={. Can I be more harsh.

I'm a service delivery man today, delivering 3 boxes of goods that weigh up to approximately 30kg, on a BMW Limousine that was meant to fetch the bosses around. (at least I got to enjoy the luxury that I knw that perhaps I might not enjoy in future). Boss said that he's going to give us a treat. And yes I am definitely going to knock it hard on. Need recommendation on the highest most impossible dishes that I think I might not be able to try it in my entire life. I am definitely going hard on this! =). I need to pamper myself extremely, with all those "psyco-ing" I had been giving myself, I know that all this will never be enough. NEW MD COMING. I definitely hope that the first phrase had passed and we are moving on to the second phrase. At least a new start off PLEASE I BEG BEG BEG AND I PRAY PRAY PRAY.
Or was god punishing me for not doing more voluntary work ! ={

2009-11-11T22:35:00.002+08:00

DAMN IT. just when I tot I had calm down. when I tried to calm myself down. there is always damn it person who really want to keep my fire burning !! what is wrong with this people ! hello ! I am not born to be A MAID. DAMN IT. Can you people just wait..
But then I know that my anger and frustruction is always nt for long. Thanks to all my friends. Listening and advicing. Thanks alots. Really ..
That's perhaps true reality life.

2009-11-10T23:11:00.002+08:00

everything seem so different now.
In the past, whenever I click, whenever I see, I knew that more or else I know I am somewhere there. At least I dun aim that high. And at least I know where I should go and what kind of possible aim will I be looking into. But now... everything changes. The clicks that always so easy turn out extremely difficult. extremely unattainable. Somehow or rather I knew that I had to let go off this unbelieve nightmare I am undergoing. I know that this is definitely the worst regret I will ever get.
People are always moving forward. Moving to their dreams and goals. But I am still here. Circling around and around. without any direction and aim in mind.
Most of the time, to ease myself, I often told myself to give up the idea of be in the same sector. It kind of stupid and its extremely biased.. Just because I aint satisfied with my current scope, I am destroying and discouraging myself and shunning myself from the fact that there are more to learn from it. Just because the current situation is not of a favour. I choose to ignore all other route giving.
I need an answer myself.

2009-11-05T23:07:00.002+08:00

I am hungry.. =((. And I am craving for more and more and MORE foods. !!
Thank god I still bought my dinner, thoughts that I wont be having my dinner when we had such a filling fruits party !! Filling, contented and satisfactory.
Imaging having chocolate fondue for desserts in the office. A belated birthday celebration. ~ woohoo~ who can imagine that all this can happen in the OFFICE. !! omg~ I am so used to the carefree office life that I must start wonder how can I survive outside if I am going out of my "homely" office. I knew one day I had to move on. Move to the reality life that, hey working life is never so easy. Never so wonderful. I wanted to tell myself that I should start torturing myself foolish me I know. But wasnt that what working life is?! God is far too good on me. I need to learn to hang on myself. I knew I had to.
I had been putting myself up on too high a shelf that nowadays, I had been rather aggressive, taking things for granted and so self centered.
This few days had been quite a lonesome and quiet week for me where, as per normal, work home, work home. Sorry !! I knew I had stay calm this day. I need time for self mediation. I knew I knew I knew I had to. =((. But I never know how I should go about it. Where I should take my very first step to. =((
Oh wells. There's another day before rest day. Guess all this thinking shld go for tmr. tata!

2009-11-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

Just when I thoughts that people are going me assurance, the cat is let out of the bag. And somewhat or rather, I am quite deject =((. Was it because this are all working life. People trying to cover up the ugly side of the story. Beautifying the external as much as they could !? =((. This is terribly bad. Inside out. Liar. =((.
Now I started to wonder seriously my route ahead. Should I pursue both my interest and continue my dream on big wealth. Or should I just lead simple life which I think will benefit my soul and mind. =((. Totally undecisive me.

A once a year things came. And it's a report to write. =\. hmm.. Actually it's just a small small points to note. To reflect. To notify your superior. The most easily things. But turns out totally not right for me. For instances, general questions like" tell me more about yourselves", "your achievement" and blah blah. And yes, that's right. I need to write my objectives and achievement for this year, which is like 4 mths. And, all this contribute to the bonus that you are possible to get. OMG. It's like my grade to my final year examination. =\. And incentives is definitely seductive. I'll tried my best... =DD..

We got our little chatting section today, that make me rather shock on how some "nice" people could turn out totally unbelivable. Like how come!? Overnight? Or was it all planned long long long ago. =\. The true of a human. Unsightly human. Disgusting. =@@

I'm going to finish my book "The Stolen Princess" by this week. I knew I could. The story was nice. As it is able to depict and describe the story in so so so damn details ways.. that sometimes I feel it was rather too much. But the whole story, although too seductive, was touching. After which, I think I will go for some mystery and thriller and fantasy book. Or perhaps Fiction Books. I need to brush up my English with all those Business terms. Need to prepare myself to understand inside out before I decide whether to take up business related courses. Or even to continue on with banking sector. Sometimes, I knew that I had to be more flexible myself. Stubborn me just got no room for changes and fear changes. Perhaps I am really to those back office work. Routine work. =\. Law by Law, Book by Book. it wasnt very bad after all. Aint it. ??

OK time up! My eyes signalling that it's time for me to sleep. Tmr going have a small party when the boss aint around. =DD

Monday.

2009-11-02T22:05:00.002+08:00

There goes my effort to Bintan trip. There goes my hope to vacation. =((. Oh well~ perhaps its all fated that all these are not done. =((. Bad weather. Bad timing. Bad outcome. =((.
It's Monday. And still I am not done with my coding. But done with my macDonald craving for monopoly. And I am sick of macDonald now. =\.. I feel so sick. No MacDonald for me for the weeks or months?? EEk.. I'M GOING TO GET MY CODING DONE TMR !! I SWEAR.

The Weekend

2009-11-01T21:49:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to finish up my automation of the cashflow report .. =\.. Sorry, i was like busy everyday ! =((. Satursday was extremely having my whole morning slept through and the whole afternoon I was yawning my way .. then after which was heading off to ms cheryl birthday party! =D. Sunday was early morning out to help sileng sis for her booth opening. It was indeed an eye opening experience for me. It's a grand opening of a small small booth. or should I say a small small box. But truly, the display really brighten up once life, seeing all those cutie stuffs.. OMG~ thats my childhood. =D.

I spend about an hour or so in the library today. Like so finally. Always wanted to go for some self studying after so long untouch feel of the books. And yes, I really enjoy it. the feeling the smell. haha ~ smell make a part.. really. Read up the book "Economics" today. Enlightenment. And I never realised the true meaning of economcy till TODAY. And can you believe that the meaning of "Economy" is the system that uses scarcity resources to meet the unlimited humans wants.(I managed to rmb parts of it) OMG~ and when we said that the economy is good in the outside. it will thus mean that the world is not well in the inside. =((. So why do we said it is good when ultimately it will turn out bad as a whole. When we know that one day the economy will never be able to sustain all this. !?? Was that all what humans want?? the selfish self of one.

I was recently obsessed with reading "The Stolen Princess" by Anne Gracie. It was indeed a very well written and touching story. The story of fairy tales that every girls dreams. The story that well depicts the real true love story, which I cant any find any words to describe. One day when you got the time. Read it. I truly love those fairy tales. Even if those aint going to happen. At least you had felt it in unreality world more than once. Sometimes I wonder if I am too overly obessed with the unrealistic that make me wonder if I am really standing where I am, in the real world.

Happy Birthday Cheryl !

2009-11-01T10:20:00.002+08:00

I had a great day yesterday. =DD. Hope the birthday girl do as well.. =DD.
Just when I tot that the friendship will turn sour because of the little small matter that happen whenever we had a different view on the present that we bought. I was wrong. Perhaps this is what friendship are. The happiness and joy we shared. And the little small matter forgiven. That how it should last.Or was it because he was there.This weird feeling. This impossible mission. This unbelievable feel. A natural feel. Perhaps it's a new friend known, as we were never close.

We had always had a conflict of issue. And often when one ask me, "why dun choose to move on when you know that that what lying ahead is never good for you." "Why choose to hang on when you know that eventually you will fall to the same point once again." Often my answer to all this answer was never convincing to other as well as me. And the answer that I always give always make me wonder. Am I in such a terrible situation!?
My people had given me assurance. I had told myself that yes I will like to see it prosper. Yes I will like to stay on to see it grow to where it will become. Although the path to success is not easy, I still wish to see it happen. However, why do I always give such a negative and unsatisfactory answer to others myself when I already know that this is what I want.
Nothing in the world comes with a smooth path, especially when more than one person is involved. More than one opinions need to be seek. Need to be advice. Then why should I doubt. I should believe, when I know that I will want to see it.

Finally the questions had been raised. Hopefully everyone take that in mind and tried to refrain from making the same old mistakes again. I know I am trying to. Of all these ppl, the people who will most frequently make the mistakes are me, sop, cheryl, and ah wen. ! As the topics get lesser and lesser. I doubt everyone could still hold on to the promises.

The FOC lesson

2009-10-31T00:32:00.002+08:00

I am learning all this management not through my work. But through the small little matter that I had to handle. and I know that I had definitely master the skills of patience and calm.
Each and everytime when an event is being held. when there is so many issues to consider, I dunno why I am always the crucial parts to make decision. always putting my little peanut brain to squeeze all these idea out. People questions in general. Not giving ideas, but just purely ask. Truly, now I understand why my course lecturer mean when she say "people just ask and never had think." It just the way the sentences is being phrase. I could now understand the meaning of "asking questions smartly" and "asking questions blindy". Definitely, I hate to put myself in the situation of just "purely asking" -- in general. "What to do ar? "
A simple, "who, what, where, when, how" will now no longer exist in my dictionary in the most unappropriate way. I hate questions and questioning. It just symbolized the uncertainty and confusion that I am in now. I will rather answer or keep mum.
In the past, when everyone share the same thoughts and was in the same situation, there was no much questioning. This was the chemistry !?? Or should I say that everyone does not prefer any haste. Trying to go the way everyone did. This was the innocent and the carefree us.

I always wonder how can I ease the situation after everything sstarted to turn sour.
I know there will be no turning back for each action done.
I got to move on.

2009-10-28T23:15:00.002+08:00

why is people flying but not me. =(. I was so hoping that one day, I will be assign to this impossible mission that tell me, "hey you are require here. and you are the only one to solve it." perhaps in the next many years time.=((..
well well well. I had finally finished my 2 weeks "confinement"/"carefree" life. hw is life going to be like from tmr onward?!?

2009-10-24T12:50:00.000+08:00

I swear this time roudn the feeling was TOTALLY DIFFERENT. When I started loooking back at her blog, the always so sweet couple face of them. I really smile. From deep inside. And yes, the feeling was great. Wasnt it the best moment of everything. The smile that each and everyone carried The most sincere smile that everyone wears. I really loves the feeling. And I know they are always smiling. =D. AND yes yes yes I smile.
Getting more rest! I wanne go rest a bit more before I go out ! ( thanks to sophia who dun allow me to sleep yesterday !! horrible terrible and vegetable her ! haha )

I'M SO HAPPY I'M SO GLAD THAT I HAD UNDERSTAND ~~~

2009-10-24T00:34:00.002+08:00

It's definitely a great day today! My moodiness had suddenly vanished within a few hours of chats.
It's been always bothering me. And this had extremely made my mood extremely bad. I dun like the idea of friendship that turn totally sour all of a sudden. It's just not right. I dun like this way. I know that they aint those ppl that turn one into foe just of a small matter. But the msg really ease me alot. Totally. Whether it's a truth or a lie, I dun really care. I care about the attitude more than anything else. Thank for giving me the certainty that we are still friends. Thanks for not being nasty. although the first reply was not well started. But it really dun bother me even if i aint rmb. But dun tried to shun away from me. It hurts. From the moment I made this step, I start wondering, do I had to go to this extend?! But yet I know that deep inside, I know I had to. And I never regret doing so. I know I need to. It may sound weird. It may sound funny. But at least I know I had the answer to what I am looking for, and I smile. =)
Thanks girls. I am so glad that I make the approach to get ppl out to sit and have a chat. It costs, as in meals, but who cares. My mood matter most. It must be better! =D. chat from chinatown to clark quake to chinatown. And food all the way! =D.............

VACATION !! YES I NEED A VACATION !=D

Another sorry. but it doesn works.

2009-10-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

Till today, I am still very CERTAIN THAT I HATE SYSTEM WHICH LOG ONE ONE OUT WHEN WE FAILED TO USE THE CORRECT PW TO LOG IN THRICE. I totally hate it. Coz today is the second time I had encounter this problem. Or should I say twice in a day! .. Can you imagine I actually forgot my window login PW when I just change environment, when I actually just log in about an hour ago. OMG.. It's not actually a new environment. It's a change of environment. with a change in COMPUTER SYSTEM. and my seat change. and today I can conclude that the IT manager IS GOING TO DETEST ME TO THE CORE. and I actually got the IT dept account lock due to 3 try!! AND YES IT'S ONLY 3 !! WHY CANT THEY GIVE MORE TOLERANCE IN THIS !?

UTTERLY SORRY.
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.

And finally the courier documents is back in hand. From "worldwise". And thank god the DCM manager is EXTREMELY EFFECTICENT AND EFFECTIVE. Love him! .. He got things done within a seconds. He dun grumble. He coordinate. Was it so hard for others to be just like him !!?? Why do soososo many head always like to be so look upon as " HEAD" .. Aint we all HUMANS?!?! why do you want us to treat you indifferently. Cant understand. Anyway. at least for now will be peace for awhile till the ONE PIECE reach safe and sound in our hand. And the peace will be like one day !??

I WANT MORE...
Sometimes I know that I had look upon myself too highly. I know, I am just a nobody.

The Truth as in the Outside and Not the Inside

2009-10-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

I cant believe that everyone will buy her story. Or should I say they give her a chance to let others believe in what she had said. Sadly, I will say that this time round, the authority had made a extremely stupid mistakes to even consider her to be in the last few nominated.
Frankly speaking,(of no offends), I dun see much calibre she carried to allow the teams to deem her to be the suitable candidate to even be in the top 24/12 or whatever finalist. This is a disgust.
I never paid much attention to the event before, and had only been attracted by international event organized by not us but by others. Perhaps all of us should just stop at where is it now. No more unnecessary interviews/comments should be even be given. Just let the event rip. Let's each and everyone has a chance to let the issues be forgotten.

PISSED

2009-10-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

WHAT A DAY!! LEAVING ME SO PISSED!! ..
I agree that I was troublesome. But it's all thanks to the stupid system that lock me out when I just got my password wrong twice.!! Who's the stupid idiot who come out with this in super inefficient way to protect system!!! AND SERIOUSLY I HATE THIS TO THE CORE. Imagine you haing numerous system to use. various password to remember. AND WORSE OF ALL.. THE PASSWORD GOT TO BE CHANGED EVERY MONTH. That the MOST MOST MOST FRUSTRATING PART. .. I so sick of all this.!!!! And omg. I got to log into 2 of the systems which I had not touch for a month plus soon. Hopefully everything turn out well.( I believe the FO system will not run so smoothly, when I GOT ONLY 2 TRY! ...
Anyway, the problem today was, there was this IT department or a support IT infrastruture staff, who I am unsure is he consider a internal staff or external staff, super pissed with me for creating troubles for him. AND FOR GOOD SAKE I DUN WISH THIS TO HAPPEN TOOO.. And so, I got this problem of logging in and I had no choice but to pester him to get my problem solved. At the last try, HE ACTUALLY SPELLED MY NAME FULL.. WITHOUT ANY ADDRESSING. and GUIDE me through like a little KID.
I view myself as A GROWN UP, well enough to judge my right and wrong, and I feel humuliated when the EMAIL WAS SENT. And this email was sent TO EACH AND EVERYONE IN THE MAILING GROUP (although I have no idea, who and how many people are in the mailing list) and my IT manager (thats not my main concern anyway).
Today was supposed to be a GREAT day when I should be having my peaceful life in the office, but he ruined everything. Thank god we only communicated through email and not face to face. And thank god I will not be able to see his pissed face unless he will to spend about half of his day to take a transport(which is only airplane) to scold me upside down.
It should be PEACEFUL DAY. FOR JUST TODAY. But it was runined. And when bosses are back tomorrow, it's going to be a hectic day!!!.

REST WELL.

Tired Day

2009-10-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

It always had been a tired day. Like always. Bosses are on business trip to HK like in 2 more days !! and there go my hope of going HK. Ok. like what my colleague say, believe 20% of whatever was said. But then, I still want to believe that what said are trustworthly .. ok !??! HK HK !! I am still awaiting for my HK business trip.
At least today I feel useful. I settle most of the things myself. Handling all this myself. Wahaha. Interesting. Got to handle forms with my colleague from Moscow. And yes frankly speaking, their languages are hard to understand. .. their slant. She didnt even wait for me to finish, she hang up my phone ! .. But anyway, hopefully everything turn out wells. I am seeing a company grow with my own eyes and EFFORT! ...
In the mean time, I got to handle my time well. Got to continue pursing my degree at the same time when all this is still at its base. When the volume increase, it will be hell( although I am still unsure of how long I had to wait).
I am still in the midst of liking thoughts. lots of function that can be used. but then I rather remains discreet and store all my thoughts here. whether you find your way here. or sneak your way here. I dont care. I just want my peaceful life. Simple and sweet.

I am littering my thoughts everywhere. Waiting to find the rights place to store there.

My Confused Life

2009-10-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

It's an end to the break!. How the two days are wasted. And still I had not came out with anything meaningful and useful that I can do during my weekend.
The most sickening part is.. I starting to FEEL SICK STAYIN AT HOME FACING TWO DIGUSTING MONSTERS.! In the past, perhaps I dun mind, I took it as jokes. But yet, I realised sometimes the long arguments, that seems like jokes before, can never seem to be what it will be before. I need to settle down to normal life. (YES, I didnt really find my life at home normal sometimes.) At times, I feel like finding a psychiast who can explain my abnormal behaviors in and out of home. Working wise, I believe I could still control. As most of the time, contribution is not fruitful. I minded my contribution, and when my help turn out to be disturbin.
I am still seeking my right paths of life, and I am unsure of how long will that take.

My new Start - Again. I am back

2009-10-10T14:28:00.000+08:00

And here I am back again bloggin. I know I have to find a place to accomondate myself. A place that can store all my THOUGHTS. and YES, I am here with thoughts ! =D. Ok. Enough of those rubbish.
Wonder wonder. I start researching much on some of the issues happening around. As in happening internally. To my dismay, it does not appeal to me. In many ways. First of all, it just seem that we are a "childcare" centre. where hey indeed we are. Look at it in everywhere. We took in people when they will throw out. We took in people who was so new and gullible and helpless. when i was once one myself. I know I cant compare, I cant grumble. I cant detest. I have to get use to it. On the brighten thoughts. I AM ON "VACATION" OK ! .. I am starting to enjoy life ffirst. Perhaps to learn on some survive skills at a later time. =D.But yet, once again, I am very thankful to god. For always giving me the very best of the life. Yes, I dont really like the life I had. totally But at least I know that it's a paradise. An add point at times. But definitely a place to really think of path ahead.
The perfect life now always made me wonder.. Am I really so fortunate to enjoy all this luxury and enjoyment. Will this make my life ahead harder?! Perhaps I should learn to give more than to take. At least I know that I am not pampering myself.

Learning

2009-10-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

A day off today, hoping to experience something different. BUT HEY~ the plan changed, like always? and when I tot I could let my mind rest alittle. I got to squeeze my brain to think of food today !! But it turn out there might not be lunch for me today when I could only manage to meet up my friends at 1+ (perhaps after 1.30) when I got to know that I can only get my 3 MTH DELAY PAY after 1 from "the pay claim dept"
All this unfortunate really pissed me off. Worse off all, I woke up early in the morning, wanting to get my ppt ( POWERPOINT) slide to be done, my lappy, for whatever reason, just dun seem to get the file OPENED. hopefully tmr my supervisor will chase after me for that, although I know that the chance is rather HIGH, when the person in charge is FLYING OFF THE DAY AFTER TMR.
WHAT A BUSY WEEK. For the past few days, which is this week, I had been busying myself with all those forms to be filled, and compiling all those uncertain finished forms to 2 respective places. I dun feel like getting those documents sent in someway or another. I dun feel secured. Questions kept flooding in, Have everything needed been packed? Have I got the name mixed up? Have I got the address correct?
Issues and issues. that the problem of me, TOTALLY HAVE NO CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF. Frankly speaking, I am really luck to be able to get this position, where I am exposed to far more than I can imagine. It's an opportunities that I did not know how could I really apply. People are great. REALLY. They are wiling to teach and they got FAR more patience than our lecturers/tutors/teachers had. Can you imagine working adults who are willing to spare their time telling you about the meaning of this and that when they know they will have far more important things to do.

I know that I got to learn to be strong
Learn to be independent.
And all this is going to start from here.

2009-09-27T19:58:00.002+08:00

omg ~ i am way way way too lost now. I am so lost in the words I had to put in. It's really a "PROJECT" week. a project months. and many many months on to move on. And I always wonder why am I always so not confident of myself.! sickening. !!
Anyway, I finally GOT MY FIRST PAYSLIP! and my FIRST pre-employment checkup. i forgot to bring my spectacles for my eyes inspection. hai~ got to go down another time to get it all done. =\.

At the age of 20, I am having a thoughts that I shouldnt have. Comparing to someone reaching 30, I yearn to have a family more than her. what am I thinking !?

I need something. I know.

2009-09-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

The umpteen chances. And the number of uncertainty.
I never blame God for not letting me have the chances to fall deeply

My Life,

2009-09-12T00:51:00.004+08:00

It's weekend again.

It's a short and sweet week for me.
With a start of 2 days.
Rest for 2 days.
Work for 1.
And official 2 days off.

Thats how the week ended for me. =D.

Today work day was rather bad for me. =\. Sometimes I just feel rather useless at work. Things that I might know, but I never dare to take the initiative to do the first move. And things that shouldnt be done, was done due to implusiveness. Sometimes I feel so lost at where I am currently. Never satisfied. Not of the the amt that was given, but the efforts that I wanted to put in. The responsible that I want to carry. It's might sound crazy, and I might look silly. But then hey, that the challenges that I am looking for. Be responsible and holding a position that I always wanted someone to rely me on. I definitely dun like the idea of becoming a vase(although I know I cant be). The first time always interest me. Making me sound so excited like a little kid. Perhaps thats the small little part that make me so excited, making me hanging on to where I am. Was it good or bad?! Am I so easily satisfied?! By such a small matters??!
The idea of climbing high up is not a major goals in my life, and I wont say that money is not a big concern to me. At this stage, at this age, I wish I am able to learn to make my brain worked as swiftly and as creative as it can. I wont say that I regret staying. Coz I know that at least I am not doing everyday routine. I am facing different changes everyday. Handling and welcoming new experience in life. Although all new items learnt are of small matters, I am glad that my supervisor are slowly handling me major parts. and I am awaiting for the path to be right, I dunno how long am I waiting. How long do I have to wait. And how possible it can happen, but I believe that I had to hold on to my chances. At least, I am holding on to a stable income making me able to pursue, at least some of my interest.
Sometimes I feel that I am overly blessed. They are opening up their arms to welcome me. But at times, I wonder why/?.. Frankly speaking, I feel no different from a "sticky-post" lady. Perhaps a little better, I am of use, which I yet to discover. Given this opportunity, given this chance, that will never come again, what else can I say then to thank god for all this wonderful life I had. Thank you.

I had made up my choice of giving this opportunity a miss, coz I dun like the idea.

Mixtures !

2009-09-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

I am finally back to work after 2 days of rest. 2 days of lying in bed .. =\. My head is getting better but not my tummy. it just dun came at the right time. And I had shifted again!. Back to the freezing level.. *shivering*.. Not used to the com. Not used to the mess ! I didnt have time to pack my table and I got to my ppt to rush. =|, with a sleepy head. =|.

And yes, I finally get my black and white to read through before I sign my big name on it. Many thanks to my sup for fighting what benefit me the most, and fighting for me what is right for me. Gonna use my time and really read through it.. There is a booklet in it. =\. I guess I wont pay much attention to that. =\. Maybe when I got the time. hehe.

I cant believe that I am GOING TO PAY TAX AT THE AGE OF 20 !!

How much can I earn then !?
And my mum had started pestering me to contribute.!
A few hundreds !
Hells !~
How on earth can I save when I got:
Taxes to pay.
Contribution to make.
Huge expenese to manage.

eek! I hate this.
But I know I got to get use to it.

I am LOVING THIS SHOW TO THE CORREEEEE !!!

I am left with ONE MORE DISC OF 6 EPISODEs.
I had been missing this shows for umpteen of time.
And I need to catch up on the trend.

ok ~ signing off now.
Cheers, !!
Jia You Chen Xin Yi..
Haha ~

Sick !

2009-09-01T14:49:00.003+08:00

I had been sleeping for almost the half a day since yesterday. =\. And now I am feeling so lazy to move about. and my brain felt rather dead. !=|. I hate this! .. But I am felt so numb from moving now.
My energy seem to be drain off early in the morning today, slowing down my every movement. Perhaps I had always been very rush early in the morning, thats why I felt a big sudden change today. Thus, I decided to declare a day rest for myself. Feelin better as compared to yesterday, but not fully back to the normal me. I feel like dying. =\. Coz I just feel that I cant do anything right now. =\..
We got 3 patients and a "sleeping beauty" at home yesterday. Therefore, I could not request any help from anyone even if I am sick. =\. My mum ask me to get a queue no at 9 to see the doctor. But then, I was so tired that I could hardly stepped out of house. Worse, I got to travel twice to see the doctor. First to get my queue no. And then back home to wait for my turn before I could really see the doctor. Amazed ar!??! COZ THE DOCTOR IS EXTREMELY LATE .. Always. And if you will to wait for him at the clinic.. You could jolly well wait for 2hr or so. And so the idea of getting out of my house twice really tired me off EXTREMELY. Plus the weather yesterday was the worse of the worse when I am already at the worse ! =(. And so I drag and drag but then I still managed to see the doctor in the afternoon. The duration was short. Prescribed medicine and then I am back home by4.20. ( I got my queue no from a call with mum's help). I finally understand how my mum feels when doing all the housechores. =|..

I always hate the idea of getting older, often fearing the idea of not able to get a good partner when I am older. But now, I had a different thoughts, which is more scary then anything else...

Movies..

2009-08-29T13:12:00.003+08:00

I went to watch "THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT" yesterday at CATHY CINEPLEX. Suppose to watch "THE FINAL DESTINATION". But omg.. its only left with the front row.. and the rest is scattered one seater. =(. Total rating. 2/5. Not recommended.
It had been quite some times since I watch horror , extremely gross show. Eekk. ! and this DAMN show should be known as the f. show!! For goodness sick, I just got so sick of all those ppl' "mantra" : the f. word. ! And and and, how can you imagine one who is STAB RIGHT INTO THE HEART STILL STRUGGLING TO ATTACK ?! and the bad always got to survive longer then the good ones !!

SO PPL !!
PLEASE DUN GO WATCH THIS SHOW!
IT'S REALLY NOT WORTH THE PRICE.

AND I AM GOING TO WATCH THE PROPOSAL TODAY !

Heard that it's extremely hilarious..

I want watched the following as wellsss...
Hopefully POSB/DBS see the needs to promote entertainment
and come out with discount/promotion with anyone swiping the debit card
or perhaps passioncard/uplus card can give more priviliges=D

and the list go on. What caught me first will definitely be the poster that is being advertised. Cute hilaroious and anything catchy! =D.

I am trying my best to get out of the rat race.

2009-08-26T23:17:00.003+08:00

1 weeks had passed.
2 weeks had passed.
I waited for weeks. I waited for hours. I waited for mins and seconds. And then I still have to say, I am still waiting. Awaiting a delightful but yet uncertain news.

Twitter was great.! I think it really suit me ! A short blog along the way. And it really make my day. When blog stored my sorrow, twitter stored my joys. Today, twitter had made my day! I had 6 weets for the days, with intervals 3hr the max and an hour min. Wow. That hows I stored my every hour mood !=D

I had been focusing on my MARCOS for a couple of weeks, glad to say that so far. SO GOOD!. so far, most of the coding I could easily find online !! =D. and Yes, it works fine so far. Moving a step forward, I need to stored those document in the excelsheets. After which I will have to sort if I can transfer it to MS Word for the documents. ! haha~ it's a new challenge for me. And then, the worst of the worst. if I am able to stored the date as a schedule in MS outlook! =|. WOW! wat a huge movement. From here to there. But then it just build up my zeal in working.

There seem to be endless calls today. And today, I still didnt managed to understand the phone. I HATE THE PHONE. But hey, I dun detest picking up the phone. BUT I JUST DUNNO HOW THE HELL IT WORKS.! other than the basic picking up and transferring it once. ={

A new Phone, A changes awaits.

2009-08-24T21:49:00.004+08:00

I GOT MY NEW TEMPORARY PHONE ! =D

style !!?? hehe .. it look just like a Ipod isnt it !? =D.. One reason of getting it is because it's cheap, and it's sony ericson. Having the same memory card as my previous one. (and i got the same colour as my previous phone! purple ! lolx!) And I managed to slash it down to 140, from 148. A mild cut. But still worth it. Hopefully it is able to survive for the most 1 year before it landed on someone else's hand ! lolx.

i presume that's the colour range they have. So doesnt my stand out !? =D

COOL !? and it's extremely SLIM!

It's Monday again! AND SERIOUSLY ! I HATE THE MONDAY TODAY. The 2 days break seem like 2 weeks. how i wish the 22nd of the month will come everyday and every hour and every mins. =(.
I had been workin on the MARCOS for quite sometimes. I dunno how fruitful it is and how the automation will come about. But I know that I had definitely gain a higher standing in it. I had never come to understand how to use a combobox. a listbox. and blah blah. But yet, I am learning now. Resources all from the Net~. straining my eyes. But hey, I think it's all worth the effort. No matter how the outcome will be, I am still proud that I am able to make part of the things work ! =D.
On the other hand, I hate the idea of staring at the com for the whole day. I will prefer a more routine work.=(. I am still awaiting for the change I want to see. And one upcoming.! =D. By next year. !! Hopefully by then, I will be too busy handling things and gaining more experience. ! =D ****

我知道我改变了..
对不起...
我需要时间来了解...

The fairy tales I never will see.

Need for phone

2009-08-22T21:36:00.004+08:00

Seriously, without a phone is a torture.
With a phone that cannot see is EVEN MUCH A TORTURE. !
And so to halt all the suffering, I headed to SIM LIM for my hunt for a temporay phone that can last me till next year.. To play safe, at least February. But yet my budget for the phone is like around 100?! the max 150, hopefully embedded with functions like MP3, and a camera. But the camera need not be of a high resolution as my current one is not much better, so I guess that not much an issue to me. But the most I require is the style .. Hopefully at the first sight I will have fall in love with it. Currently, there's wasnt much design that really attract me. And the those attracted me ones was way beyond my budget ! =(. If I dun have a mobile plan to continue. I will be bothered. Less to say to get a new phone.

I just roam ard the place when something caught my EYE !

and yes yes ! You are not wrong ! ITS IPHONE ! . But hey, the one that caught my eyes wasnt the real Iphone. But an imitation. ( $$ is still a concern.)

The first phone that caught me is this :

There ! the one on the right!! A mini IPHONE ! It cost about 150. Work about the same as a normal IPHONE. And on Top of that, it comes with a radio function.. and CHINA MOST FAVOURITE AND WELL KNOWN. TV FUNCTION!. i just dunno why almost all china phone come with the TV function. and majority of the users who used china phone will choose to buy it with TV.

It even came with the antenna. ~

Two SIM Card

Wasnt it interesting !? And the best of all it's it came in different size. You want it in the actual size, they got it. You want it in a small size, they got it. You want it in a bigger size, they got it. You want it with WIFI, they got it. You want it with TV they got it. You want it without TV, they got it. Wow ! it's like a baskets full of FRUITS !?
And I could see that alots of foreigns, maids went there to get the "well-known" Iphone! and who say the poor cant own what the rich have?! with some simple packaging, it looks just like the real ones.

EEkkk.. I am struggling to come out with a decision. Whether to buy or not to. Or should I heed my friend advise. Get a cheap phone without any function, costing at a reasonable price and bear with it for approximately 6 month !? Let me be decisive for once !/?? =\

In Summary ~

2009-08-22T01:27:00.006+08:00

It had been awhile since I blog. Many things had been happening that I totally am unsure on how I should start from. =\

Let's just start from the good one.
On 14th August, I took a day off to have an enjoyable day with my friends of more than 10 years. One of whom I known for 13 years while another for about 15 years?. Very rare will you be able to get to start in contact with people that you have known since kindergarden or since primary school. But yet I still managed to keep the bond within. Or should I say we are still able to keep in contact. =D
The day out was great but tiring. Day started with movie, GI Joe, which I only heard of one day before I went to watch it? To my dismay, the movie was excellent, although the advertisement wasn't that overwhelming. or should I say I just didnt catch it? Was suppose to catch Harry Porter instead of GI Joe, but I guess we are abit late. There's wasnt any more screening at GV at the time.
After which, headed to SL house to prepare for the "night activities". AND NOPE! we didnt go clubbing or pubbing. Yet we went cycling from late night on 14 Aug to early morning on 15 Aug. The journey to and fro was both tiring and enjoyable. Imagine the breeze that blow. The cool atmosphere that was felt. It was undescribable. The best part of the journey is at the part near the Changi Airport, where I got to see the taking off of plane. AND YES ! IT'S SIA!. I could feel the excitement when the plane took off, which I dont know why. Perhaps I had never taken a plane before, that's why I felt fascinated. Or in another word "su gu" haha. The journey to was easy then the journey back. The journey back seem longer and never ending. And the already sleepy me couldnt really take it. I just seem to be sleeping everywhere when there is a break in between. So tired.!
And finally breakfast ard 6 and return the bike at ard 830!? The whole stupid marathon was extremely irritatin! blocking our road. ! eek ! ..

On 18th August, went out with Jojo and gang for Steamboat. Got back the same laughter the same joys, and talking about the same story but in a different position. Sound complicated?! haha~ coz its already 2am in the morning ! I am not too awake ! I got a tweety mug from her ! hehe ! thanks ! =D

On 21st Aug, meet up the girls for dinner at Dian Xiao Er. Foods there was pretty above avg. Price was reasonable. At first I tot I saw the bill summing up to 189.90? haha ~ the rest gt a real shock. I guess I getting on ages.! And as always, we sat for very long for our usual chit chat and updates. When that's not enough, we moved on. haha~ Headed to Starbuck to get our Javachips and a slice of cake for the birthday girl.~ And our next destination was the esplanade. Weee~ and we are planning for HOLIDAY !? anyone supportive !? =D

I got a new added job scope for the day ! haha. I will say it's a new things and I just love the change of job scope although it's just some stupid errand. But hey ! My "talent" just come in handy ! =D. and my new task is *drum roll* ..... TYPING CHINESE LETTER ! lolxx !! amazed?! Partial translation. And my "new" com was installed with 2 new software ,bought immediately upon request, which I didnt like. It's not user friendly. I still prefer the FOC "software" that can be use for chinese typing. =P. And can you imagine that the 2 software cost around 200, where the most expensive one is the most useless one?! =\.
I gt 9 more days before I am considered a perm and 31 more days when I get my first perm salary and my payslip. You must wonder why should I seperate my perm salary and payslip. Wells, I usually get cheques for my salary. So I got emphasis that NEXT MONTH I GOING TO GET MY FIRST PAY SLIP. Wonder how much is printed in?! =D..

是时候再三思考吗 ?

2009-08-17T21:20:00.000+08:00

Haven you learnt to behave?
Haven you learnt the lessons?
Haven you!?

Summing up

2009-08-13T20:04:00.003+08:00

The burden just seem to be lifted out. Drained off. And clear off.
Yes, I had decided. And I will hereby be counting in years. Or wells., I am not sure.
But I know that I will be "blacklisted" in two agency now ! =\

Well, frankly speaking I am still lost in what I really want. Do I really want to stay in the banking sector? Or do I had other interests in mind, I should use a year to decide. At least, I am now clear of CHOICES. And definitely, I learnt a thing. To confirm and make a choice before any action in taken!. LESSON LEARNT.
Anyway, money in hand = more freedom = MORE ACTIVITIES IN MIND !

I wanted to learn french
I wanted to learn diving
I wanted to save up for my courses
I wanted to go on a holiday !
I wanted to pay up my poly fees by .. next year?!
I wanted to learn and do some minor investment.
I wanted to help out in some way or another.

* stop my wishful thinking first before everything is confirmed !

Anyway, have my early celebration with my secondary cliques last week!
Thanks people for the Quilt. Haven really used it, lazy to fix it.
And I definitely loved girls gathering and talking ! =D
People dun get lost in touch.
Keep in touch. =D

Yesterday had dinner with my poly friends. From the known 8 sisters, we had expanded and have a cliques of total 11. And for unknown reasons, shrinked to 5. But yet, most importantly, I am glad that there is still people around to remember my day! =D. Dinner was not worth it, but hey, I enjoy the laughter we shared. For once, I know that I can be wild, I can be crazy, I can be anyone but myself. Just let me lost myself for a day. =D.
Thanks for the FOSSIL voucher each and everyone ~ time to decide what I really wanne buy !

Have a small celebration in the office, Thanks everyone ! =D

I am turning 20 in about 3 hr times !!! OMG !!
If I really have a wish, ~~ I wish I can understand what I really want in life.
Will you fulfil it for me!? =D
COunting down to my end of teen-agers life.

and i think the following weeks ahead gonna fills up with birthday celebration cum gathering. EVERYONE BIRTHDAY SEEM TO BE PACKED WITHIN THE SAME WEEKS MONTHS ! ONE AFTER ANOTHER ! A BIG BIG HOLES IN THE POCKET !

2009-08-11T23:25:00.003+08:00

I always lost the inspiration to blog when I see the blank note for me to fill.
But I always know that I had a lots of hidden thoughts in mind that I wanted to share.! =\
I will try my best.

I got a new project in hand. Hopefully I could do it single-handedly, which I know its rather hard. I will say, I will try my very best. =D. And hopefully, I could really finish it up within my "project schedule".

I received a yet to confirm excitement. And at that point of time, I really wanted to share my joy with someone close. someone willing to listen. someone free to spare me the time. But yet I realised that I cant find anyone. How sadded. And now, I am back to square one. no longer the jumpy jumpy feeling encircling.

Let time decide my fate. =D.

Hidden sorrow

2009-08-04T23:19:00.005+08:00

Recently had been a extremely tiring day for me.
On hand, there are like piles and piles of unfinished works,
That seems like there's no definite deadline.
And no definite perfect-ness.

Never wanted to let go..
Never wanted to

But yet I realised all those hardworks seem to be go down the drain.
Nobody appreciated.
Nobody cared.
But everyone grumble...

How do you define the word "perfect"
How do you please not one but everyone.
How do you make yourself less guiltiy.
How do you find ways to solve all your hows..

Wanted wasnt there.
Rubbish was everywhere.

Dun loook back. Moved on.

2009-08-01T00:46:00.003+08:00

IT'S THE 31ST JULY !

It's been one year. I cant imagine that we had survived through the 1 years of what we called "internship". And now, I was left to survive the one more month on my own. MY LUNCH PARTNER IS NO LONGER THERE ! =(. Would it be a month ?! or many many months or many many many years to go on !? I dunno. =(. oh wells. Why cared about tomorrow when I should be enjoying today !? Yeah ! =D.

As a farewell for Ms Looi, lunch apppointment was almost packed for this week. (I got the benefits as well thanks to her ! =D...).

Wednesday - Lunch at Singapore Recreation Club:
Chinese Cuisine for the day

Thursday - Lunch at Honjin Restaurant:
Japanese Cuisine for the day

Friday - Lunch at TCC:
Western Cuisine for the day

Hmmm. Let's just sum everything up, MEALS WERE GREAT! THANKS FOR THE MEALS!
Simple Summing up! =D. Will there be another my turn !? Or should I say would my turn come soon !? Or till I turn 30 ? 40? or even 50? =\.

Its still a longgg wayyyy to go ..

2009-07-29T22:26:00.003+08:00

360 degree of changes.
Was it because of uncertainty or was it really not up to expectation?

Down the road what would I become?!
What can I look for !? =\
NO MATTER WHAT !! I NEED TO LEARN SOMETHING THAT I REALLY WANT.

Rather than regretting the choice that had been made.
Why not make full use of the choice.

漫长的人生道路寻求的欲望在何处...

犹豫

My Choice

2009-07-28T23:41:00.002+08:00

It's always so hard to make an decisions when there are more than 1 choices to decide.
And I dun deny.
I am very emotionally affected.
I dun follow what my mind told me to do.
I follow my heart.
I follow where my heart said.
I follow where my heart heard.
I only follow my heart and no longer consider the otherwise.

Will I ever learnt to fly again !? Or am I too lazy to fly.
But yet again. There are far too much consideration.
I dun hold the one and only decision. =\

2009-07-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

Its always a last minutes work..

And I starting to get nervous, gettinng more scared.

How can I faced it bravely!?

Give me more strength and hope.

And give me a BIG WIDE SMILE.

God Bless!

2009-07-23T00:21:00.003+08:00

Stop worrying about today when you still got today to enjoy!=D

Yes Yes LONG WEEKEND~~~ WEEEEEE~~

Anger !? Disappointment?! or Whatever?!

2009-07-19T12:03:00.004+08:00

i dun mind the troubles.. but CANT YOU GIVE ME MORE SPACE for me to settle the issue rather than to pressurize me to get the issues done !? why cant those who know the issues solved it themselves and why is it an ignorance me tasked to query other when i had no idea whats going on and no one is there to exactly telling and showing me what is wrong !? My zeal to help suddenly just diminished upon the continuously pestering. !! I NEED SOME GUIDANCE AND NOT PRESSURIZATION, as I defined it.

I finally made up my decision to reject the offer. Or to say reject a unwanted decision I had made earlier. I guess that my decision had tanished my reputation by quite a lot. But I cant be torturing myself to please others. [which used to be the past me but not the me NOW]. I just got to be firm in making my decision next time round. I never like the idea of rejection upon agreement. But yet this time round, I had struggle much to come out with the decision. COZ I AM REALLY TIRED. Strain from work and luxurious. [oops, but cant I enjoy?]. Please understand. [if you really know me.. you should].
It should be my GREAT REST DAY TODAY. ! I dun want any unwanted feeling. I dun want any comment. I DUN NEED ANY CALLS. I just need time for myself. Coop up in my own house. ! close my eyes and not think of anything else !

The Quote of the Date today really suit me:
"Each one of us, in his timidity, has a limited in which he is outraged."
Am I really fuming?! Perhaps so..~

Throwing aside all those, let make a turn for a better side. =D. Went marina barrage with a bunch of friends. Known and Unknown. Scenery was great. But it all came with LOTS OF SUFFERING. Waiting time for the bus was like a thousands years. Foods there was SUPER DUPER ex !! But still we managed to find an affordable cafe to ease our tummy. Affordable but yet unacceptable. Perhaps desserts will turn out better than proper meals. =\.
Next time, we should get a whole basket of foods there and enjoy our breeze .. that will be a perfect day out !

Take a break Take a rest ! =D.
The route is still Long ~

Motivate me !

2009-07-14T21:16:00.002+08:00

It's no longer the time to wonder.
It's no longer the time to ponder.
It's time a concrete answer is given.
It's time a firm decision is made.

Why should you doubt your calibre when you havent even tried.
Why should you shun away when you never put in your best effort
Why should you also be so fickled minded.

ARGH ! EVERYONE NEED A REAL MOTIVATION!

Vacation !

2009-07-06T22:14:00.005+08:00

Perhaps perhaps I should take a break first before I start another journey. !

VACATION ANYONE !?

Once Upon a Broken Heart - The Beau Sisters

2009-07-05T20:58:00.000+08:00

我知道 by BY２

2009-07-05T00:09:00.001+08:00

We have to

2009-07-04T14:17:00.001+08:00

I dunno why I am so lost.
But do I have a choice !?
Nobody have.~

I am waiting for good news but seen and heard none yet

2009-07-02T21:27:00.004+08:00

When you are desperate.. EVERYTHING SEEM VERY APPEALING TO YOU !

Daily routine still continue.
But I have no calls for the past few days. =(
29 more days in exact.
21 business days.
17 business days deducting my AL.

Indeed a new experience. It just seem that I had been "retrenched". Whether I have any free time, I started clearing my tables. Clearing all my rough papar that I had accumulated for the past 1 year, many months, many many weeks. and many many many days.! Perhaps I should give myself more leeway. Give myself more time. BUT I CANT. ! =[. Money is one issue. Another, I CANT STAY IDLE. ! =[. I hate the idea. If only I could get a stable income. I will have my plan moving. ! BUT IT HAD CAME TO A HALT AT THIS PACE. 4 July coming. I guess next month !? hmm.. Hopefully my zeal still continue. =D. MONEY MONEY FLOW. ! MONEY MONEY GROW!.

AND I GOT MY EARLY "RETRENCHMENT" GIFT

THE OUSTIDE

INNER LAYER !
GUESS WHAT !?
AT FIRST I TOT IS RING !
LOLX

ooopss.. poor resolution! =P
But who cares.!
At the right time !
I was thinking of getting a necklaces myself when the previous one have its "diamond" drop
THIS DIAMOND CANT DROP! ITS REAL! =P
they got a written card for me as well! =D.
When I got the time then it shall be up ! hehe

Shuijin got a necklaces TOO! and we had it on almost everyday after we GOT IT !
haha! WE SWORN TO BE SISTERS.! LOLX

It's our colleague last day on the 30th .. Got her a box of chocolate a "coin" of european chocolate and a chocolate cake ! haha ` ITS HER CHOCOLATELY DAY THAT DAY !
thats should sum up all` .. wait till i got more photos..

You just didnt know how much hardship one have to endure to get what one desired.

2009-06-28T22:24:00.003+08:00

TERRIBLE HORRIBLE & VEGETABLE !!
ARGHHHHH !!

seriously ! i think the standard of services in singapore is having a DOWNTURN! AGRH!! Today dinner at ASTON! WAS SUPER DUPER NOT WELL! the idiot WAITOR JUST GIVE U AN NASTY LOOK WHEN U WANNE CHANGE THE SIDE DISHES ! HEY HELLO! I AM THE CUSTOMER OK! HOW CAN I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING U SAY WHEN YOU ONLY GOT TO PHRASE IT LIKE ONCE !? AND WHY CANNT YOU GIVE MORE PATIENCE WHEN THE MISTAKE WAS ONLY MAKE ONCE ! AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO GIVE THAT STUPID ATTITUDE !! FEEL LIKE GIVING HIM A BIG TIGHT SLAP OVER AND CRUSH HIM UP !!! ARGHH !!!~~~~ HORRIBLE SERVICES! HOW I HOPE SOMEONE FIX HIM UP ! ARGGH!

The First and Perhaps the Last.

2009-06-28T12:50:00.009+08:00

It wasnt that bad after all ! =D.

I went for a last minute job yesterday at SINGAPORE SWIMMING CLUB! and omg! the place was super .. old. It time they do something about it. And I seriously cant understand why people just love to waste their hard earn money owning the membership. where they have to pay for the membership fee monthly, to get to use the facilities there. It's not as if only club possess those facilities. Plus, it doesnt mean that only you got to use the facilities. There are still crowds.. Perhaps they prefer the ambience there?!. well.. i guess so. But then I dont. =\. As far as SSC is concern. lolx. CSC is better .. haha at least it's renovated! lolx. [Opinions- no offend - haha]

THATS ME IN UNIFORM!
haha ` seem like a Tour Guide ya?!
Nah~ I am a waitress at SSC.
Simple Tasks assigned.
Easy Money ! lolx

WM bluff me ! she told me there was only about 10 tables at the restaurant!. Therefore, I carried a very light hearted feeling to work. Thinking, 10 tables !? how hard can it be !? haha ! Upon reaching, I wonder, did I went to the wrong place?! From left to right, from right to left, it just dont seem to be even less than 20 tables.! lolx .. oh wells. What she was trying to say was .. you will be assgin a section where there is roughly 10 tables .! =.=". But for a newbie like me, who only know how to refill water, clear table and set tables, I got to move almost everywhere ! THEY GT 4 SECTION. *FAINT* and yesterday was rather busy. EVERYONE WAS CALLING "XIAO MEI AR.. COME HERE HERE. XIAO MEI AR GO OVER THERE." thank god they serve buffet ! it make things easier for me. as I dun get to turn down customer, as I dunno how to take order ! lolx ! And the day ended ! POOR ME ! I had no dinner yesterday! and to think I work at the restaurant ! =\

And worse of all !
My feet hurt. =\

can you see the constrast colour
THE STOCKING AND THE BLOOD ! EEK !
At first I was wondering. Why is my stocking suddenly dye with a different colour !?
on second look ! OMG !
And I didnt really feel the pain..

And some Photo to Tempt other after seeing the gross feet ! haha ..

BIG BIG LOBSTER AT PALM BEACH !
HERBS AND DRUNKEN PRAWNS IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. ! =D

Test.

2009-06-27T14:45:00.001+08:00

I dun really wish to take it up.
But then I still decide to force myself to try.
Wasnt it miserable.?!
But its a test after all. `

Jobsless But Full Of "Dreams"

2009-06-26T22:11:00.002+08:00

I DUN WANNE BE JOBLESS ! =\
I NEED MONEY DESPERATELY !

sad to say time really pass. and in less than a month time, I AM GOING JOBLESS.

i got to pack up and go..
small and unknown.

well.. its not a sad case after all.
The world is BIG.
The world is round.
And it's never the END.

SMILE
微笑每一天

Sometimes I hate myself so being so UNREALISTIC, setting HIGH GOALS that seem like a mountain HIGH. For the past few days, I had been keeping tracks of the positions I want in JobsDB. Yeah. JobsDB is a great webbie for search of jobs, as far as I know. It offer a wide range of positions and its constantly updated. Anyway, I know the position I am looking for is rather rare, hence, whether I came upon any related field, I just click "Quick Apply", not really considering whether am I really qualified for it or not. Will you consider to employ someone with a diploma with a year of experience in a position which only require a O lvl cert and 5 years experience/ a degree with no experience?! A possibility is a chance. When my chance is already so slim, I should try every means. I NEED A JOB BADLY. I GOT LOTS OF THINGS IN MY MINDS THAT I WANTED TO DO. =]

Tons of thoughts in mind.
A millions of things to do.
But both hands empty.
And a big hole in the pocket.
What do you get !?
A HOPELESS PERSON ! =[

-------------个他人的鼓励---------------------
-------------自己的推动力---------------------

我知道人生的路不好走，
哪怕只有一个人要走，
走得有多艰难，路有多坎坷，
我也要走完。。
人生可能只有那么一次，
为了他人牺牲一点也不值得。
为何不铺一条自己想要走的路，痛痛快快的过一生。
将来往后看事，也不会后悔。
笔就在你手你
与你来自己写完接下的美丽故事。
因为你才是故事的主角。
----------------------------------------------

Gotta Go On My Own Way

2009-06-14T16:15:00.003+08:00

THIS A DAMN NICE SONGS ! ENJOYED ! =D.

A bomb to spend

2009-06-13T19:03:00.002+08:00

I am back from the IT fair, with a BIG HOLE in my pocket. and a laptop. !=D
YES! i managed to get myself a laptop. Seriously speaking, living style cannot be changed. Cant help it. I am used to having my own laptop. with ONLY THE I who could use. I dont classify that as selfish, it's a lifestyle.=\. anyway, the aftermath of this is to declare.. : "I AM SERIOUSLY BROKE."
I start to wonder, was it an implusive act for all this. I am no longer a student. I no longer have project for me to fuss over. Neither do I have a big online business to worry. Do I really need it at this point of time?! ?Do I have to scrimp and save for this !? Do I have to make myself torture for all this unneccessary?!
On second thoughts. Why cared so much. Its a great deal. and most importantly, who knows what happened the next day. perhaps you cant ever enjoyed your life that long. why even bother to think of holding that amount to "bed"?
oh wells. what done is done. cannot be undone. and I am quite satisfied with the specification. =D. why bother. =D.

Sick for a couple of days ! and I am hook on drugs. a well known drugs known as "strepsils". and i totally agree that this well known drug cannot be taken too much a day.. I dunno why, I felt rather giddy for the rest of the day after having about 4 of it in one day. and coffee doesnt work much on me. !

ok ! thats all for the day .. got to do some stuffs and continue exploring WINDOW VISTA.! lolx

Changes

2009-06-08T20:09:00.002+08:00

I hate to have chucks of things lined up.
I hate to have numerous icons that filled up my com wallpaper.
I hate to have the continuous lines of tabs that filled up the taskbar.

But yet all these is happening at work. ! =\.
Can you imagine the number of icons I had in on my work PC.
As compare to the number of icons I had when my laptop is alive!?
And can you imagine that I have to search my RECYCLE bin for some of the file required!?
Thats the changes I had now..! goodness !
Sad to say, I had a project in hand that I hardly touch.
Praying that by 2 weeks time I could finish.
But looking at the speed, and the time I had.
It just seem to be digging needles in piles of haystack =\.

Lots of planning to be done for the routes that lies ahead !
And I know that I am on my own.

i hate the coldness. i hate the silence
but does anyone care.

Hopeless?! I doubt.

2009-06-06T14:28:00.005+08:00

my only hope vanished in tiny air in just split seconds. depressed?! definitely. =[i am not just accountable for myself, for my parents but also to friends who came to know about it as well as people around who know. it was REALLY a devastated situation that i had to deal with. It's hard to announce with a tone that doesnt sound depressed. But yet, I know I had to do it.
But looking at another point of view, i now have a definite answer on how I should move on. Over and done with, my shoulder feel lighter, and I am quite certain on what I should be looking into now. It was quite a relief. Perhaps I am not cut off to be "scholar" and I may not be fated to be a "back to school" student again.
Ok ! Time to be serious, looking for a permanent/long contract work that I can rely on. Preferably a "highly" paid job and by 1 year time, I could still make a choice of going back to school, financially supporting my overly priced school fees. But that consideration should not be taken into priority now when I still does not have a stablized job to support myself, when I had tons of things to buy ! Hence, I should stay focus on what is concurrently happening and not to indulge with illustion, unrealistic dreams that BRING ME HIGH HIGH UP TO HEAVEN. And within seconds, pull me down extremely. I know, thats me. Always lying to myself of those impossible. and living with those unrealistic dreams. ! BUCK UP ! its really time to be in serious mood. where I should be the full pilot of my journey. and I got about one month to try my luck.

Every path is not a dead end. =}

2009-06-02T22:44:00.003+08:00

i dun like the idea that time passed so damn fast time.
and
i definitely dun like the idea of moving forward to 20! =\

WOW WOW ! how fast. remember the first day when i stepped into the office, the first thoughts that came to my mind: how shld my 6 mths be? and then the questions started pouring, Can I ever survived the 6 mth!? and what will I be in 6mth time?! how do people viewed me and blah blah. the tons of questions that circulated around. but HEY LOOK! here i am approaching my 1 year in a mth + time. that was SO DAMN FAST. and now, i started to have a thorough serious thinking.

WHAT THE HELL AM I REALLY LOOKING INTO !?

WHAT THE HELL AM I REALLY WANTING TO DO ! ?
WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I STAND !?

somtimes i wished i am a : ...

a farmer !

Growing a field of fruits and vegetable for own consumption.
Living in a big bungalow with my family.
Leading a peaceful life under the blue blue sky.

a florist

Owning a business.
Becoming the boss and employee
Arranging flower for occasions.

Paramedic.

Frontline service.

but if even i got a chance .. i really wish i am a ...

A WITCH TRAVELLING ON MY BROOM.

THATS ALL JUST DREAMS. unfinished dreams

The pause the realization

2009-05-30T21:51:00.002+08:00

i dun like the pause.

its just make me so empty out of the sudden.
but then i am now lost. lost of words.

2009-05-29T21:05:00.005+08:00

it been quite a while since i last blogged. i hereby officially announced the death of my laptop ! =\. got to wait for the next IT fair before i get another PC/laptop for myself. omg! got to save up save up !..

so many things happened for the past few days, weeks.
dinner with my long long friends.. eating FUNGUS ! that cost us 127.60 in total. and we actually had a bottle of red wine, shared among 3 of us, which i dunno wat brand, they do. sending me giddy for the rest of the day. cabbed home after which, and AND AND that cost each of us 48.50 for the day ! purely dinner + transport back. i hardly spend a bomb .. wells.. occasionally pampering myself. =D.

Class Chalet was great with all the laughter during BBQ period. and for so long.. we GOT ANOTHER 8 SISTERS GATHERING! =D. with the 8 sisters photos once again ! =D.. how long had we waited !?

and an almost complete class photos.

but the aftermath WAS TERRIBLE... when we gt two tables , two pits, an a room to clear. omg! if my mama even gt a chance to know that i did all those hard chores at the chalet, i guess she will be grumbling ! =\. why aint i so hardworking at home !? =\.. and as always, there is always so many leftover .. so guilty when we got to dump them away.. SORRYY! BUT I DUN MEAN TO ! =\.

are we history, or are we forever !?

its finally WEEKENDS AGAIN! and yes.. i am looking to this weekend. not because i had a whole list of activities lining up. BUT, i just need more rest. get things done. and perhaps do some clearing. =\. i had not been having enough rest after i got back from chalet. perhaps, i had used too much energy !? straining too much energy!?? i just cant be focus during working time. or perhaps i had been staring at the com, with all those unknow languages.. that make me so so so damn damn TIRED. eek..

I am starting to like what I am doing now !! hehe ..
ok thats all for the days. got a SHOW TO RUSH ! =D

2009-05-22T00:26:00.002+08:00

the feeling of leaving is always not good.

Graduated.

2009-05-20T19:34:00.003+08:00

3 years passed so damn fast ! and
YES I AM NOW OFFICIALLY A FRESH GRADUATED
FROM
TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC
IN

DIPLOMA IN FINANCIAL BUSINESS INFORMATICS !!

the one who worked with me concurrently and in the past.

he die die aso wanne said he is taller than me ! lolx

ah beng & me

Yanting, beng, cheryl, sophia, sockie and me !

we finally ended our path.
what lies ahead is uncertain.
with this cert, hopefully it does bring us somewhere.

Happy or Sad, u decide

2009-05-17T22:16:00.004+08:00

the same old problem occurred and i still cant find a perfect solution to solve all these...
how am i suppose to say NO, when he is someone so close.
how am i suppose to say YES, when i know that all this shouldnt be happening
how can i say I DUNNO, when everything is in my hand.
how can i REJECT, when i cant find any reason to say NO.
the equation of a positive and a negative, always turn out negative. =\
everytimes it occurred, i feel extremely bad.
for myself, for her and for him..

for myself,
i had put every effort for all this accumulating figures.
it is my effort.
it is my hard earn awards.
but in just a spilt second, everything is back to the beginning again.

for her,
i dun wanne lie.
i dun wannt hide,
but i cannot do anything..

for him,
i am totally speechless.
it was such a disgrace.

It's been a week since i am back from BCP exercise. a new experience at a new environment. haha` EXTREMELY SLACKING PLACE. anyway, it's weekend once again. and i am coop up in my tiny little house doing some research.. =\.. and my dumb dumb laptop broke down at the SO WRONG TIME. eekk !! THIS TIME ROUND I AM REALLY GOING SENT IT FOR A REAL OPERATION!

activities lining up for the coming week, with graduation day as the most glamorous event of the week.. after which followed by class chalet, girls days out dinner.. and and and.. all this could already burn a BIG HOLE IN MY POCKET ... that should be enough for a RELAXING PERIOD. =].

3 days weeks HERE I COME !! =]]

2009-05-13T23:23:00.005+08:00

the best thing in life is not the luxurious but the understanding.

Another gathering. =D

2009-05-10T22:21:00.008+08:00

for the past few posts.. its always wordy wordy emo posts !

haha .. and now lets some photos do the talking !

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HUIZI !! =D

the day out was great.
we shared the same laughter, same joy once again.
the lost time will never be able to erase the memories we always had. =D.

and the day was the first time i am rebellious!
the first time i wear jean to work ! ..lolx

we are our own models. our own photographer.

lets get the position right first..

since when waimun become so style?! what a great pose she have ! lolx

the best of the best! aint the scenery GREAT !

the 幸福女人 & me ！ =D

桃花女 and 幸福女 =D

两个幸福的女人。。

we are making a fool of ourselves !
but WHO CARES !?

thanks sileng ！ =D

i am back to where i was supposed to be now.
although it wasnt well liked by others.
but in comparison, i prefer it that way.
it benefit me better, in many way.
and i got to learn of many things.
this was perhaps fate.
and i had learnt to let go of the impossible..

Reality

2009-05-09T12:25:00.003+08:00

how evil cann I become.
how on earth do this feelin always come..
was it a test. or was it because it wasnt suppose to be like this at alll...
i hate this. i hate the decision i always have to make
and i always hate the impulsiveness that always overturn my logical thinking.
am i not sensible enough.
people dun understand.
i dun understand.
i wanted to close my eyes.
and the next moment i know,..
everything was back to the same piece.
back to where it started.
back to the original starting point.
i always wished i can run away for it forever and ever.
but yet the reality forbid me from doing so.
forbid me from running away.
i was always lost.
standing in a square black box.
always wondering which should be the the next door i should open.
i dun like this test.
i dun like the result of the test to be negative.
and i hate failure extremely.

in life, what do one yearn for ?
was everything at the perfect top turn out perfect always ?
so in your eyes.. how do u define ur perfectness..
how do you conclude that that's the one and only choice that you want.
no other will shake your decision.
tell me why doo i always dun came across my only choice in life.
tell me why am i so fickle minded.
tell me why do the fear always conquered me, making me feel extremely lost.

2009-05-03T20:48:00.002+08:00

it wasnt fair! it totally wasnt fair for us !
just when we stepped out of teens-life..
everything occurred. stopping us to move forward.
stopping us to explore the world like the others in the past.
hesitated us from doing what we really want.
everything just happened at the wrong timing.
or was it because we are born at the wrong timing.

Change

2009-05-01T11:42:00.004+08:00

everything just happened so damn fast ! =\.. from the moment the call trees was practiced to the moment it is really fully activated... it happened in about half a day ! lolx ! and now, we had to proceed on to the spilt operation!. i am working off premise.. and YEAH ! my new office is just a walking distance from my house ! =DDD.. i can now save on some transportation feess.. on the other hand, i have to walk to work, building up my fitness. ! haha` it's going to be a great experience hopefully. people there were really great!. my overall in charge even got a map printed for me for my reference. =D. hopefully i dun get lost in a place that i had grown up since young lolx.

after work was dinner with the same old cliques at suntec bakerzin! and happy advanced birthday to LOW KAITING. =D. overall meal was avg .. not strongly recommended. haha` was seated at the place for so damn long chit chatting. then headed off to swesens for ice creams ! hehe ! yummy yummy ICE CREAMS ! really ease one mind. ! and again! chit chats. lolx.. i am quite clueless of the things that was said. but ya.. listening was great too ! haha` vent out ! time passed so fast without realization. =D. hopefully the next gathering will be soon ! =D

the issue now seem so serious, i felt the impact. i suddenly felt so emotionally affect. wasnt it just a flu? a normal illness?! why will a normal illness, like a flu, cough or fever turned out to be such fatal issues.. it was only till today that i realised that human and animals can never really "interact". else unknow virus will produce?! the previous was H5N1, now is H1N1, and i managed to google and find out that there is H2N2, H3N3.. omg ! i dun even know wat the hell is all those virus. I ONLY THAT IT IS A FATAL VIRUS that could develop into a pandemic ..

Looking at all those issues that happened for the past few years, as far as i know, like SARS issues, H5N1, 911 issues, sichuan issues.. i am really 佩服 for all those leaders, who had sat together to put their minds and thoughts to let the earth still able to revolve. like every saying, life still have to move on no matter what happen, the earth still revolve, till the day god summon on us. wells, nobody know what will happen next. the next phrase of life is still uncertain by each and everyone of us. prediction is only something that was uncertain assumption. we still moved on to how we should. live life to the fullest people ! =D

was it a challenges for us to solve.
or was it a end that everyone predicted.
why should we be created when we are in turn destroyed, by the same hand.
why am our world always be filled with the same old questions
even if we are near our destination.
why should we be created if we are bound to leave.
till the day we left,
the answer is still left unturn.

I DUNNO WAT I AM TRYING TO EXPRESS.

2009-04-29T23:22:00.002+08:00

dun hate me for what had happened.
coz i held no key for all this changes.
i stand no where to make the stand.
i can only do what i was tasked.

it hurt to know that you are looking at me at a different angle.
no longer that close. which i know we never are.
no longer that amiable look and smile.
but a stern and down look is all that i see.
i dun wish it to happen this way.
i just need a simple life. doing what i deem as right.

为何人生那么的复杂，那么的难理解，那么的混乱。。

2009-04-28T20:55:00.004+08:00

不要以为没了泪水就会变了坚强。。
不要以为每天以泪洗泪就是懦弱。。
不要以为一切因为这样就不去改变。

as days passed, as the minutes ticked.
the wonder grown. so strong, something it just totally pulled me down to hell.
sending me wondering every mins. every seconds. every moments of silence.
till today i cant find the answer to make me realise why do i always feel so lost.
or was it because everyone are.

I wanne to see my miraclessss

2009-04-23T22:39:00.003+08:00

i have been getting anxious and anxious as time goes by,.. when the golden period passed gradually. =\. how i wish that the very next moment that i login. there will be a different display. a different message. and a different feeling. but how long do i have to wait? =\.. frankly speaking, i so wanted to get in not purely of its paper. the main reason behind the anxiously is that, i am still keen in studying. i still love the period of studying as a student. i wanted to be still classified as full time student. recognized as a student. and not a working adult YET. i still want people to call me "GIRL GIRL", "XIAO MEI", and not "MISS", "XIAO JIE". and definitely not "AUNTIE". i still wanne filled up my occupation sector as student. i still wanne state my income as > 1000, or N/A. i still wanne enjoy the period of being pampered as a student before i no longer entitled to this privileges again. i still want others to forgive me because of my ignorance. because i am still young to know the complicity of life. and the list of wants goes on..

I have been officially shifted to level one of the building for the rest of 3 months. ! YES YES !! hopefully 3 months will pass fast before i really settled down for a real lifetime work. =\ if there aint much news on university for me. for the past 9 mths( can u believe hw time flies., i have been working for 9 months by next week =\), i have seen a lot, gone through a lots, and perhaps change by a little. grown up is the best two words that describe everything now. more things to learn down the road...

thats all for the day! tired. NEED MORE SLEEP =\

2009-04-22T21:00:00.002+08:00

tired as always=\